Dealing with Anxiety

Most people are familiar with anxiety. We are all are programmed to feel a certain amount of it, depending on our circumstances. This is normal. From an evolutionary biology perspective, this wiring provides benefits, as it is designed to help us anticipate and avoid problems. For example, a certain amount of anxiety or stress can provide the alertness and motivation to prepare for an exam or important meeting. This is functional anxiety.

Anxiety becomes a problem, however, when it occurs too often, too severely and without a truly threatening stimulus. In some ways, excessive anxiety can be seen as problem-solving gone awry.

Anxiety can be experienced on multiple levels – emotionally, cognitively, behaviorally and physically. Most people are familiar with anxiety as an emotion: for example, experiencing feelings of excess nervousness, dread or even panic. On a cognitive level, the thoughts we think can both cause and sustain levels of anxiety. For example, having the thought “I didn’t study enough for my exam” will probably contribute to some degree of anxiety. If your next thoughts is “I might fail this exam,” the anxiety will likely climb. If your thoughts continue to proliferate to something like “If I fail this exam, everyone will think I’m stupid” or “I’ll never succeed in anything, if I fail this exam,” the anxiety will likely increase even further. On a behavioral level, we might respond to the anxiety by either studying harder (a functional response) or through avoidance (i.e., procrastination, not showing up for the exam, etc.). Lastly, we may notice physical sensations when we’re anxious, such as trembling, shortness of breath and muscular tension.

Thoughts are just thoughts

Let’s start with the good news (and actually, it’s great news). Thoughts are just thoughts. Repeat this to yourself: “thought are just thoughts.” You don’t have to necessarily believe everything your mind tells you. Scientists estimate that we have between 12,000 and 50,000 thoughts per day. That’s a lot of thinking! Many of these thoughts are the result of conditioned experiences. And, if our conditioning hasn’t been thoroughly scrutinized and evaluated, then our thoughts aren’t necessarily accurate reflections of reality.

For example, somebody that performed poorly in school as a child may have developed thoughts and beliefs such as “I’m not that smart” or “I’m stupid.” This person could carry this belief through to adulthood, both seeing and interacting in the world through this lens of “I’m stupid.” Behaviorally, they may shy away from challenging projects at work or engaging in lively discussions with others that appear more “intellectual.” They may put themselves down when they make a mistake and not take full credit for times when their intelligence does shine through.

Now, if this person had analyzed their early experiences carefully, they may realize that there was a poor fit between their learning style and their teacher, that the school system wasn’t that strong, or that they had serious distractions at home that inhibited their ability to focus at school. Having analyzed these factors, the individual may be able to think more rationally about their own inherent intelligence and change their behavior accordingly.

Looking at our conditioned experiences can liberate us from our biased cognitions. In addition, there are other cognitive strategies that can provide relief from anxiety, which are outlined below.

Thought stopping

One strategy to deal with anxiety provoking thoughts is by making a conscious effort to focus on different thoughts and behaviors. It’s important to emphasize the word “conscious” here, because you need to become aware of when you’re having anxious thoughts before you can change them.

There is a cognitive-behavioral technique known as “thought stopping” that can be helpful. This is how it works. First, when you catch yourself worrying, close your eyes and continue to imagine the situation that is triggering the worry. Focus on this situation for 2-3 minutes. Once this time has elapsed, say “stop” (aloud, if possible) or you can put a rubber band on your wrist and gently snap it in place of saying “stop.”

After you say “stop,” you then deliberately focus your attention on something else. You can focus on the activity you’re currently engaged in (versus the one you’ve just imagined). Or you can focus on a different, more rational or positive thought.

For example, if you find yourself at work worrying about an upcoming date, immerse yourself in the task at hand (e.g., finishing that memo, making those calls, etc.).

Some examples of more rational substitution thoughts include: “I will do the best I can to get my work done” (substitute for: “I know I’ll never finish this project”). Or, “I’m curious about how my date will go” (versus: “what if I blow it tonight; he/she probably won’t want to go on another date.”). Try to come up with several rational, positive or assertive self-statements to replace the anxiety provoking thoughts.

While this technique sounds simple (it is), it does require much practice and reinforcement. If you simply tell yourself to “stop” and try to refocus say 5 or 10 times, you’re not likely to see any results. However, if you do this 100 times a day, you will likely start to see changes in your thought patterns. Initially, you may find that you’re only able to refocus your thoughts and attention for a few seconds. That’s ok. Just keep it up and you’ll find that you’re able to shift your attention for longer and longer periods of time. And, remember, while “100 times” may sound like a lot, in actuality, it just takes a few seconds to practice this technique each time.

Letting go of anxious thoughts

It’s important to remember that what we focus on in life grows. If we put most of our attention on anxious, fearful thoughts, that is what we will continue to see more and more in our lives. Rather than fueling these flames of negativity, you can develop a practice of letting the thoughts go.

One way to do this is by acknowledging the anxious thought and visualizing it passing by like a cloud in the sky. You may say to yourself something along the lines of “Oh, there it goes again, worrying about the future” or “oh, I realize I keep telling myself that I’m going to fail that exam…that’s just another thought floating by.”

Countering “what if” scenarios

Everybody is familiar with the catastrophic “what if” scenarios that sometimes go through our heads when we’re worried about something. These fears are often unrealistic and end up wasting a lot of time and energy. I don’t think Mark Twain could have illustrated this better when he said toward the end of his life, “I’m an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened!”

A technique that can actually be quite fun to use is to counter catastrophic “what if” scenarios with more positive ones. This is how it works. Every time you have a negative “what if” thought, counter it with a positive, desirable “what if” thought. For example, if you’re thinking about an upcoming presentation you have to make and you’re feeling anxious about this, you may have the thought “what if I make a fool out of myself?” Your job at this point is to simply acknowledge the thought, without feeding it with further proliferating thoughts, and then counter it by saying “what if I actually feel confident while I’m giving it and impress my colleagues.”

Another negative “what if” might be: “what if I forget what I need to say?” You can counter this with “what if I remember everything without much effort?” Or, “what if I dazzle them with my brilliance.”

Be as creative as you want with this. You can think of more realistic counter thoughts or you can shoot for the stars. Either way, you’re reprogramming your brain in a more positive direction.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I’m a firm believer in the importance of practice and experimentation. Try these tools, find the ones that seem to help you specifically and then practice, practice, practice. Lasting change doesn’t happen overnight, but does happen with steady, deliberate effort.